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And as Tom Bunn, LCSW, wrote in Psychology Today, this kind of toxic mother "sees natural and healthy growth [of her child's independence] as rejection."Toxic mothers can disregard boundaries in hostile ways, like punishing you for making decisions without them.
Though a lack of respect for boundaries is an issue in almost all toxic relationships, it can be particularly intense with mothers — especially mothers whose toxicity comes in the form of refusing to allow their child a separate identity.In fact, a 2014 study published by the American Psychological Association found that children who only suffered from emotional abuse experienced the same rates of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and suicidal impulses as children who had suffered physical and sexual abuse.Emotional neglect from our mothers can have lasting consequences.It can feel comforting to be taken care of, of course.But know that if the kind of closeness your mother desires doesn't feel natural or normal, you don't owe it to her.
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But since she had given up so much for me, wasn't it only fair that I could give up a few things, too, so that I could make her happy?