Advice on dating divorced men with kids
“But sometimes she reminds me that her mom is just fine without me!___A woman who goes by the name “Lucky” responded to one of my Single Dad Wants posts with a moving and impassioned comment that’s too long to reprint here (scroll down for it). Your man, your divorced dad, is lucky to have someone so understanding.(“Your daughter has fallen on the playground and needs to see a doctor.”) And beware that many requests can be setup like a crisis, (“Dad, I need my science binder by 3rd period tomorrow—I left it at your house.”) when they are actually poorly formed requests. Scenario 3: The ex drops the ball“Dad, I need someone to pick me up after the cross-country meet, and I can’t reach Mom.” Things happen. And between strained ex-parents, there can be some manipulation and control going on. “Okay, count on me to be there if we can’t get your Mom to respond. But of course, go to your cross-country race, and we’ll figure it out.”Scenario 4: I’d really rather …Kids can be an excuse to get out of anything. If your divorced dad is always breaking plans because his kid is sick, getting an award, has a recital … When used in relationship, the “excuse” is often used to recover from a miss of some sort. The kids got home and all hell broke loose.” That might be okay, if your call was just a “nighty night” check-in, but if you were scheduled to talk about living arrangements, that might be an example of using the kids as an excuse for not taking responsibility.Your willingness to let these types of requests presented as emergencies affect your plans can tell a lot about healthy boundaries and good parenting skills. Well, you might want to see why you’re no longer a priority. Make sure the two of you have a chance to establish enough rapport that you can ask, “Dude, if you don’t want to go to this event with me, just say it.” Kids can be the easy way out. Scenario 6: Playful kids will only be kids for so long Kids are our singular priority as parents.The purpose is to determine exactly when the relationship began, whether it is sexual, whether any marital property has been transferred to the new friend, such as by gift, how much money was spent on dating this person, and whether the spouse has said anything that could be used against him or her at trial.
There are plenty of single parents who use their kids to get out of almost every obligation. exercise, dating, taking responsibility for their own actions.
And I have been the dad who apologized for checking his phone when a text dinged while on a date.
I don’t think I will always do this, and there are certain moments when the phone definitely needs to be turned off, but while my kids are still pre-college, I’m at least going to make sure there is no emergency. But then there are my boundaries with both my kids and my ex that I have to enforce as well. But when the text dings and it is, in fact, one of my kids … Let’s take this from the perspective of a first date, rather than a developing relationship.
From that point on, please treat it as an unexpected emergency. But if you’re avoiding the confrontation because “his kids need him all the time,” that might be the issue right there.
Everyone’s agenda and desires take a backseat to the first aid and trauma response. Whatever the situation, the Mom is incommunicado—a problem that might need to be addressed at a different time—and a solution needs to be provided. Scenario 5: Kids as an excuse This is similar to number 4.